Seven
Myth's of Divorce
By Don Pitman
The very
mention of the word "divorce" fills many with sensations varying from dread to
shame. Scenes from movies such as "Kramer vs. Kramer" have reinforced the angst
many feel when faced with the option of staying in a bad marriage or getting a divorce.
However, much of what people believe to be true regarding divorce has changed since the
1970s, when one person had to be "at fault" in order to file for divorce. Now,
"no-fault" divorces allow couples to get a divorce when the marriage has
suffered an "irretrievable breakdown."
Here are some of the most prevalent "myths"
I've encountered over the years as a family law attorney. Every divorce, like every
family, is different; however, many of these questions and issues are common.
Myth: If I leave the marital home, I
lose all rights to it.
Fact: There are 18 factors that are considered when
dividing property between spouses. Nowhere does it state that a person who leaves the
marital home loses any rights to it. In fact, there is a trend to consider the fact that a
spouse who leaves the home to keep peace in the family deserves some credit for doing so.
Myth: The house is in my spouse's
name, therefore he will get the house.
Fact: The fact that a house is titled in only one
spouse's name does not matter. Generally, any assets that someone has when they get
married are considered part of what can be divided for the purposes of divorce, no matter
where they came from.
Myth: Once the divorce is done, it's
done.
Fact: Not exactly. Some terms of a divorce agreement
can be changed on a showing of a "substantial change in circumstances," such as
one party moving far away, spending less time with the children, the loss of a job or a
large promotion that results in a significant increase in income, or as children get
older, go to college, or move out of the house.
Myth: My spouse doesn't need to
support me or our children because he's re-married.
Fact: Child support is not optional in Massachusetts.
While the court does consider the existence of a second family, it will do so only after
making sure the first family is taken care of. The Child Support Guidelines are a uniform
way to ensure that children are provided with an appropriate amount of financial
assistance. They can be found at www.massdor.gov.
Myth: My spouse had an affair, so he
won't get anything.
Fact: The fact that one spouse had an affair can be
an embarrassment and, sadly, a stumbling block to resolving a case, but it will likely not
make a substantial difference in the division of assets. Among the many factors considered
in the equitable distribution of property in a marriage is the conduct of the parties
(e.g. having an affair). This factor does not determine how assets will be distributed.
However, if it can be shown that one spouse spent significant amounts of money on the
affair, the other spouse would be credited for what was spent on a dollar for dollar
basis.
Myth: Just like in the movie "War
of the Roses," divorce is inherently a mud-slinging battle.
Fact: While divorce can become a battle, it doesn't
have to be. There is a growing trend among lawyers to offer mediation as a way to bring
people to an agreement by using a third person who helps guide the process. More recently,
some lawyers have started to work together with their clients to find a resolution to
their divorce through what is known as collaborative law. Collaborative law includes the
use of specialists that both parties agree to work with — and pay for together —
that help them deal with issues regarding the children, each other and the allocation of
their finances. Both mediation and collaborative law allow the parties to help guide the
process along, and aims to avoid the damage that can be caused through the litigation
process. Finding an attorney who has experience in mediation or collaborative law is the
key to making this successful.
Don Pitman, family law attorney who practices in
Newburyport, MA. Don can be reached at 978-462-0243. His website is www.pitmanlawofficesllc.com.
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